Linea Nigra (Q&A)

What is it?

It's a dark line starting on the belly button that goes all the way down to the hooha.

How do you get that?

First you meet a boy, then you get naughty and about six months later your estrogen levels will be crazy enough to make your melatonin go berzerk as well (along with your moods). You will get dark in strange areas, like breasts and scars, and then your body will paint a line on your belly just for the heck of it.

Does every preggo lady gets that?

No, you have to be a bit brown, or have some brownie in your blood.

That means you are not white? I thought you were.

No, sir, I am a mutt. I have a drop of something else in my blood (a mix of Native Brazilian and Italian? Dunno). Also, the sooner you get those, the more melatonin you have.

Is it pretty?

No.

I will never ever eat chocolate again!!!!

...that is, for the next hour or so.

Today is my birthday and husband gave me a box of Godiva chocolates.

Actually, he was obligated to do so.

My husband likes surprises and even after the whole wedding ring fiasco (where I threatened him with his life if he didn't propose to me already), he still doesn't understand I don't like surprises... Just give it to me straight.

I pestered him the whole evening to give me my chocolate. I knew the box was somewhere in the house. He kept saying, "...but it's not your birthday yet!" and my preggo hormones yelled back, "I don't f... care! Give me my gift, damn it!" Aren't I sweet? (actually, I am not that mean and, oh, husband scored some serious points by also giving me a preggo pillow - more on that later - and tickets for whale watching. yay!)

Fast forward to 2am and after a few (ok, a lot of) chocolate truffles, and I am wide awake with the worst heartburn EVER. They say that if you have heartburn while preggo you will have a harry kid. In that case I am having a freaking ape.