Whoop dee doo

Because my blood pressure has been higher and I am swelling like a balloon, doctor urged me to come in today to watch for preeclampsia, one of those wonderful deadly things about 8% of pregnant women get and die from, and that I (of course) may have.

I am standing here in my skivvies waiting for the doctor, who is outstandingly and unusually punctual, when I see that his open chart with my name on it on a table nearby says in big bold letters: WARNING.

Warning on what??

Crazy, hormonal, bitch of a patient may go off on you?

I am about to go take a peak while undressing when the door flies open and doctor comes in, while my big, brown butt hangs out.

He tells me my blood pressure is in fact higher, but that the test results don't show protein in my blood (another sign of preeclampsia). He asks that I come back in a few days to test it again.

Now here is another thing no one tells you about pregnancy, so I am going to spill the beans to all women out there, so everybody knows. The exams leading up to the due date are downright awful!

If you never had a baby and hate the ducklips from your usual papsmear, wait until a doctor starts checking you to see how far the head of the baby is from the birth canal. I want to slap him every time, but also don't want to infringe on our doctor/patient relationship. After all, he will be the man with the sharp little knives in a few weeks.

Speaking of that, I asked him, "what's up with the warning on your chart?"

Doctor confesses that he rarely ever writes something like this down, but that I should know that my pelvis is small (although these days it doesn't look like it from the outside) and that the baby's head is not dropping. He actually says, "That's why he is bouncing around."

Tell me about it!

He also informs me that the baby is measuring big. Husband thinks it's because I eat too much bread. I think it is because baby's dad has a big head.

I KNEW I was expecting a mini neanderthal. Didn' t I say that before?

In other words, doctor is letting me know without saying the actual words that I may have to have a c-section or he may have to use forceps to pull the baby out. Whoop dee doo.

I wish babies were born through osmosis. Either natural birth through a tight little pelvis or getting my guts cut open sounds like a terrible miscalculation from nature, if you ask me.


  1. I had preeclampsia. The worse kind. That was NO fun. So prayers coming your way for sure. However, a big sign that you DON'T have pre-e is that 99% of pre-e babies measure unusually small. For instance even though Lily was born at 29 weeks she measured the size of a 26-27 week old baby. So if little man is measuring big thats FABULOUS.

    And by the way, I've had a child both ways. "Natural" and with a C-section, while neither of them are fun -- neither of them are as horrible as anyone makes them out to be.

    So get off your feet lady and RELAX! :)

  2. Thanks Erica!!! That's good to know. :o)


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