I'm too sexy for this blog

First I bloated into chipmunk cheeks within weeks of conception, and that's how I knew I were pregnant. Then my hair dried and I have been having a bad hair day for almost eight months now. Then zits popped up in places one should never have zits. Then every scar (including the ones from brand new zits) got darker, making me look like I had some foreign, nasty skin disease. Then there were episodes of uncontrollable flatulence and a series of peeing on pants when sneezing.

Now apparently I also have an onset of sleep apnea that is pregnancy related. Basically I snore with my mouth open (which already contains a mouth guard in it from teeth grinding that causes me to drool) and it only stops momentarily when I snort loudly trying to catch my breath.

I know this from husband, who wakes up annoyed in the middle of the night with all the ruckus I make and watches this troll looking person laying next to him, drooling while snoring.

I am starting to think that nature's way of making a woman extra-gross when expecting guarantees that no men in their right minds ever touches her and leaves the baby alone this way.

And, by the way, the whole "pregnancy glow" line is just a bunch of bs. That's what people come up with when there is nothing nice left to say about a pregnant woman's appearance.

For instance, when someone says, "You look great!"what they really mean is, "You are a tad less repulsive than other knocked up girls I have encountered."

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