I think I have a problem

Hi, my name is Mariana and I am a Facebook addict. It has been eighteen hours since my last post.

First, why did I even join it?

A marketing consultant said it would be good for business and I started with links and comments on health and fitness, but then someone would post something funny and I would have a slight panic attack, thinking, OMG, OMG, OMG, I have to comment and re-share!!!!

Slowly my main picture changed from a fitness related one, to a photoshoped version of myself (because that's what you are supposed to do with your main picture - you pick one of your prettiest and thinnest self and pretend you look like that all the time).

Then I started posting about the random things I thought and saw throughout the day because I had this delusion (which is one of the first signs of Facebook addiction) that anyone would give a rat's ass. The positive reinforcement came through with likes. The "like" button is an evil thing. It's an instantaneous self-esteem booster for those with lack of any life outside the internet. You may even catch yourself thinking, "I can't believe so-and-so didn't like my post!"

I hit my lowest point when I realized the cars behind me were honking because I had been checking Facebook while in a red light (that turned green). Facebook apps for phones are a product of the devil.

Why did I stay?

1) Because of Facebook I don't have to force myself to be social and write or call every single person that would like to know updates on my life and that live far away (which is pretty much everyone). I can just post one single thing, such as, "I threw up all morning and all night, oh, and all afternoon too," and everyone would be like, "Oh, wow, pregnancy sucks." End of conversation. Some may even like it (which will puzzle you into over thinking what that person meant by that).

2) Some friendships got a restart when they wouldn't otherwise. THAT is priceless.

3) Facebook news is a lot better than real news. Real news are depressing. Facebook news often lack any real life problems. Most people's lives on Facebook are peachy, happy, sunny and full of amazing vacations. Everyone seems tan and glamorous and everyone gets along with their in-laws and stepchildren. Life on Facebook is like a beer commercial.

How do you know if someone is going through something shitty? Usually they will disappear from Facebook for a while or maybe, like me, they are genuinely battling the addiction.

Why am I trying to quit?

Once I got pregnant I decided that half of my so-called friends had no business knowing about my pregnancy and my day-to-day life. Suddenly this was not about me anymore, but about this little person I am growing. I deleted about two hundred or so "friends."

By the way, statistically, no one has that many friends. Most people have a handful. It's true! I read it somewhere online and it must be true.

Also, I think no one has that many acquaintances either. I think once the Facebook friend's list goes over 150 people, you are starting to add the cousin of the friend that had a dog that bit your ex-girlfriend's cat, that for some reason you won't delete because it would hurt that person's feelings (and who cares?). Maybe that person also knows another person that could talk to this other person into giving you that job.

I get it. It's networking and networking works. But not when you are about to have a baby.

Once life becomes that personal, your personal life is really no one's business, but the people who really care about you.

Plus, some friends on Facebook think my life is peachy (my fault, really; I should take more pictures crying and in ugly locations as a background). All these friends want a piece of my life, either giving unwanted opinions or wanting to "visit the baby" while saying that they "miss me" which is usually followed by the question, "How far away are you from the beach and the wineries?"

So here I am, posting on this blog to divert myself from posting on Facebook.

I think I have a problem. I may need a sponsor.