Surprising things no one told me about pregnancy

I knew I was going to gain weight. I knew I may feel a little sick. I knew I would become hungry and emotional, but no one told me these surprising findings. I don't think every woman goes through them and I am sure some of you mommas haven't, but here we go:

1 - Heartburn - No one told me I would have to sleep seating upright because of this excruciating pain in my belly.

2 - Zits - I have zits even on my stomach. I counted the ones from my face and shoulders and when I got to 40, I stopped counting.

3 - Fat - This was pleasantly surprising. You don't get fat right away. In fact, you don't even need to. Just don't stuff your face with junk. I thought my body would turn against me and pack on the fat, but none of that has happened (yet).

4 - Morning sickness - I knew I would get a litte queasy, but since I am a person that NEVER throws up I thought this wouldn't happen to me. Wrong. I spent the first three months hugged to a toilet.

5 - Peeing on your pants when you sneeze - Enough said.

6 - Tiredness - Have you ever gone skiing for three days in a row, or rode your bike for 70 miles in one day, or ran a marathon? That's how I feel... every day.

7 - Nesting - I've heard that women clean more when pregnant, but my nesting showed up in the most unexpected ways: obsessing about plants (and getting unnecessarily excited when they fruit), isolating from most human beings (when I am a very social person), eliminating toxic people, cleaning up facebook, and wanting a puppy really badly.

8 - Perverts - I thought that once my belly showed, creepy men would stop hitting on me. Personally, I don't think pregnant women are sexy. Apparently a lot of men think differently.

9 - Lack of appetite - I thought pregnant women ate a lot, all the time, but most days I don't feel like eating anything... then suddenly I REALLY HAVE TO HAVE something they don't make around here. The cravings are pretty funny, actually.

10 - Cramps - I couldn't wait to get pregnant so I wouldn't feel menstrual cramps anymore. Boy, was I wrong. I felt the WORSE CRAMPS OF MY LIFE in the first weeks of pregnancy (when implantantion occur) and still feel aches and pains on and off (the so-called ligament pains of the uterus stretching).

11 - Contractions - My doctor kinda forgot to tell me that pregnant women have contractions every day and don't feel it , but that some can be pretty intense. If I knew that, I wouldn't have freaked out as much a week ago. Btw, contractions may not hurt. Sometimes your belly just gets really hard and you feel weird.

12 - Pressure - When you look at a pregnant woman and think: "she looks so uncomfortable, like something is heavy inside her body, squeezing her insides and stretching her skin... but I doubt she feels that way." Trust me on this: you feel everything. Walking sometimes is a bitch. Try sleeping.

13 - Insomnia - You wake up because you need to pee. You wake up because you are starving and you have to eat NOW. You wake up because you have back aches. You wake up because you're horny. You wake up because you had a crazy dream. You wake up because you have heartburn. You wake up because you have difficulty turning your body to the other side. You wake up for no reason at all, every night, at the same time: 3:30, and play angry birds on your phone because you can't go back to sleep.

14 - How to make baby move - have chocolate, eat spicy food, drink something sugary, have an orgasm. I swear the baby does jumping jacks and flips.

15 - Orgasm - Some women (me) have orgasms in their sleep in the first trimester, followed by the most awful cramps, so you have fun and then feel miserable without even trying.

16 - Preggo clothes are not ugly - Some maternity clothes are surprisingly slimming.
17 - Migraines - Some days I see stars, literally.

18 - Aversions - I stopped enjoying coffee from one day to the next. I was an addict before and now I can't stand the smell of it.

19 - Is it gas or baby movement? - You won't know the difference at first unless you fart.

20 - We are all the same - Everyone, of every color, culture and religion, goes through the same exact pregnancy phases. All babies, of all kinds, start moving at around the same time and sucking their thumbs at the same time. I think that's neat.

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