Dear ex-boyfriends

Dear ex-boyfriends, ex-dates, ex-setups, ex-somethings,

I am no longer available. I haven't been in a while. It seems like some of you didn't get the memo. I am married, barefoot and pregnant.

My idea of partying hard theses days is when I get to stay up until nine pm, because then I get really sleepy.

I am a "girl gone wild" for chocolate only and my shape is curvy, all right, just not on the places you remember.

So please refrain from texting, calling, emailing and wanting to be friends on facebook and know that when some of you contact me, I throw up in my mouth a little.

Sincerely,

Mariana